♡ A Dream is a Wish ♡

And, again…

Friday’s Beta test came back negative, and as you can imagine, we’re highly disappointed. While waiting for results (during the TWW and those dreaded last hours), I always go thru my desired next steps. I handle things better with a plan.

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Admittedly, while waiting last week, I had all but decided to call it quits on IUI and try to get ducks in a row for IVF. After the first nurse called with the results, I mentioned wanting a consultation with my doctor as I didn’t want to just go through the motions again. The definition of insanity, after all, is doing the same time over and over and expecting a different result.

Now, to be fair… my meds HAVE been adjusted each time. But until IUI #4, there was nothing different introduced. Well, that didn’t work as well as intended. I mean, it didn’t thin my lining – but as I had expressed concern, it also didn’t produce the quantity of follicles we had hoped.

SO – 1/2 hour later, my personal nurse called with news that my regimen would change our next cycle. No more Clomid OR Femara. ONLY Follistim (FSH) injectibles. SO – starting today (CD “Cycle Day” 3), I will be self-injecting thru CD5. CD6, I will go in for more bloodwork and u/s to see how things are progressing and determine whether to adjust the dosage for the next 3-4 days. Ann compared it to a mini-IVF cycle (I mean, very mini – but alas…). At least it’s DIFFERENT and I feel encouraged by the change in plan.

It’s funny, the decision to continue always has to be made so super fast. After I stop the progesterone, I’m like clockwork… 48 hours until massive cramping, another 12 until my period starts. So, yeah, fast. Which is why I NEED to have a plan prior or I’d drive myself insane.

Again, still not saying anything to anyone about continuing. Though people are starting to ask, we’ve (I’ve) decided to just say that we’re keeping it to ourselves for the time being. I fear feelings being hurt, but it just helps us in the long run. Hopefully we’ll be able to spread some good news (in the way/at the time we’ve always wanted) real soon.

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